One of the books that I used in preparation for the recent WSET exams was called “Understanding the Label” that explained just that – the theory being that you could get an idea of what the wine would be like before you actually reached for the corkscrew.

The French wine labels I’m now more than familiar with, but I did have to swat up on things German (it was certainly a while since my German ‘O’ Level and I did have to work out a clever way to remember the orders of the levels of wine sweetness in the German system). The chapters on Spanish and Italian labels took a bit of study time as well.

I thought I was now ready to understand most wine labels – however I’m just back from an (unusually) sunny week away in the wilds of North Wales where Welsh is still spoken widely. In fact, when the owner of our campsite first met my wife, who is from Cardiff, he later told my parents that ‘she’s not really Welsh you know’ – it’s all about the “Tafod y Ddraig” after all – this is the “Dragons Tongue”, the emblem of the The Welsh Language Society and not a direct reference to my wife.

Cymdeithas logo

There’s a long standing family tradition (I’ve been holidaying here nearly all my life) that Wednesdays there’s a pilgrimage to Pwllhei Market – this time round I noticed a wine shop (Gwin Llyn Wines) – and always keen to try something new, for once, I walked past the French section (it had a good range on my cursory glance) and found the ‘Welsh Wines’ section.

Safe to say, I didn’t fully understand the label but I am looking forward to broaching this one with some ‘local grub’ – I was advised in the shop that it went very well with Welsh Lamb!  So, my advice is always keep an eye out for the unexpected – as Oenophiles you really never know when you’ll stumble on your next discovery.

Oddly, if you do visit our Shop here in Mere and you do fancy ordering you wine in Welsh, please do talk with Meirion, our Shop Manager – as a fluent Welsh speaker he’ll be happy to help!

If I had a pound for everybody who told me that they would like my job I wouldn’t need a sodding job and I could fulfil my destiny of becoming an international playboy – a role for which my forebears, rather short-sightedly, failed to provide adequate funds. Members of the general public naïvely assume that I spend ALL of my time sampling France’s vinous treasures and scoffing haute cuisine in high-end restaurants. Well, I do devote many hours to those activities but there are numerous more irksome aspects to being a wine merchant that never occur to the person cutting your hair or mixing your cocktail. Fielding phone calls from stroppy customers being a fine example. Only this morning an ennobled captain of industry threw a hissy fit and withdrew his custom because we were unable to furnish him with an astonishingly rare Northern Rhône Syrah. Tant pis – into each life some Grenache must fall.

Writing our annual wine list is another Herculean task that I wouldn’t wish on my mortal foe. I’d rather muck-out the Augean Stables any day. The problem isn’t writing about wine per se it is trying to come up with fresh angles on the same old same old. The whole thing has become like Groundhog Day and I find myself referring to ‘ozone fresh Muscadet’ and ‘briary, chest-thumping Côtes du Rhône’ on some kind of ghastly auto-pilot that it’s impossible to disengage.

Jason Yapp Wine Tasting at Le Gavroche

Few people credit it (barring critics and fellow vintners) but one can soon pall of fine dining if over-exposed to it. Like sex and drugs and rock and roll a surfeit can be worse than a deficiency. I am put to mind of the prisoners in Essex, Massachusetts who rioted in reaction to their invariant diet of lobster, and people who work in chocolate factories seldom take their work home with them. There are times when all one desires is a cup of tea and some hot-buttered toast and not a reduction of Jerusalem artichoke purée served with a tempura of hand-picked scallops on a bed of lambs lettuce and Perigord truffles.

Tasting wine all day is also a joyless experience. After a couple of hours the flavours start to meld in your mind until it is only the really weird offerings that register. Your teeth become blackened by juice and your tongue becomes furred with tannins and your faculties start to fade – it’s no wonder that so many wine journalists are semi-certifiable.

The area about which wine-muggles are most deluded is that of the wine buying trip. By day four or five the endless offerings of pieds de cochon, rillons, rillettes, tête de veau and pot au feu coupled with incessant par-fermented vat samples of unfinished wines can really take their toll. There is almost nothing less-pleasant than having to feign interest and maintain the sang froid in the face of a full-blown Gallic gastric crise. Indeed, it was only my latent triple-jumping skills and a providentially located toilette that saved me from disgracing myself at a very distinguished Château.

If you want my job you can have it – I’m going to re-train as a masseur!

(This article first appeared in Country Calling, 15/06/2011)

The recent Natural Wine Fair at Borough Market provided a wonderful opportunity, not only for a day out of the office, but also for a chance to meet up with several of our winemakers and taste their latest vintages. In particular, my first opportunity to meet Ron and Elva Laughton, who, along with their daughters Georgia and Emily, create the fabulous wines of Jasper Hill. Not only did we get an insight into the depth of feeling that Ron has for his metier, but also for the passion he has for Pink Floyd! They found themselves in the right place at the right time, and managed to get two last minute tickets for a memorable concert at the O2 area.

This reminded me of the last meeting I had with an Australian friend who was very much into his cricket (aren’t they all), when, over a few tinnies of Castlemaine XXXX (wow – that dates me! – is it still around?) the conversation gravitated to the “art” of sledging. Wikipedia describes it thus – “a term used in cricket describe the practice whereby some players seek to gain an advantage by insulting and verbally intimidating the opposing player. The purpose is to try to weaken the opponent’s concentration, thereby causing him to make mistakes or underperform. It can be effective because the batsman stands within hearing range of the bowler and certain close fielders; and vice-versa. The insults may be direct or feature in conversations among fielders designed to be overheard.

There is debate in the cricketing world as to whether this constitutes poor sportsmanship or good-humoured banter. Former Australian captain Steve Waugh referred to the practice as ‘mental disintegration’.

Here are a few (printable!) classics – again, from a certain era, but still quite amusing:

Greg Thomas to Vivian Richards after he had played and missed at several balls in a row:  “It’s red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering.” Richards hammered the next delivery out of the cricket ground and into a nearby river. Turning to the bowler, he commented: “Greg, you know what it looks like, now go and fetch it.”

Rod Marsh (Australian wicket-keeper) to (England’s all-rounder) Ian Botham: “So how’s your wife and my kids?” “The wife’s fine, the kids are retarded.”

Shane Warne and Daryll Cullinan: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting two years for another chance to humiliate him. “Looks like you spent it eating”, Cullinan retorted.

Mark Waugh (brother of Steve Waugh) to James Ormond (English fast bowler): “There’s no way you are good enough to play for England.” And James’ classic reply “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best cricketer in my family.”

We Brits do love our wine but why must we serve our whites too cold and our reds too warm?

Whatever the weather this August, and if our English summer is true to form it will probably be tipping down, we do ourselves a disservice in this country by drinking most of our wine at the wrong temperature. Although post-war Britain has been quick to adopt many of the benefits of Continental Europe, from lattés to lingerie, we still insist on serving our white wines too cold and our red wines too warm.

‘Gastropubs’ (formerly known as ‘pubs’) are partially responsible for this phenomenon as they are under enormous pressure to maximise their returns on their house wines. A typical mark-up on ‘by the glass’ wines in a pub or bistro is about 300%, so if a wine is selling for £12 a bottle the chances are its ‘cost in’ was around £4. With duty accounting for £1.81 of that and transport, labelling, bottling and marketing to be taken into account it doesn’t leave much of a budget for the actual wine.  Little wonder therefore that they are often of an inferior quality. With white and rosé wines this can be masked to quite a high degree by over chilling, as the colder a wine is served the less well one is able to smell and taste it.

I think the problem with red wines being served too warm is really a complicated combination of modern living, ignorance and laziness. While still white wine should ideally be served between 8˚ and 14˚ (sweet and sparkling wines may fair well a fraction cooler) red wines should be served between 12˚ and 16˚. As a general rule of thumb lighter, fruitier red wines like Beaujolais or Saumur Champigny can be served at cooler temperatures than big, tannic red wines especially during the warmer summer months. Personally I much prefer wines warming up from cellar temperature (10˚- 15˚) rather than being served at ambient room temperature – which is nearly always too hot. ‘Room temperature’ for red wines is fine if you are talking about a draughty castle in Scotland but not if you are in a centrally-heated semi in Surbiton.

The problem is compounded by the fact that few of us (me included more’s the pity) actually have proper cellars at home these days so it is an up-hill battle to get them to the right temperature in the first place. There is a lot to be said for playing against tradition and decanting white wines from the fridge to warm them up and oxygenate them a little and plonking reds into an ice bucket (or a nice bucket) for a minute or too just to tauten them up a tad.

Is it acceptable to actually add ice to the wine itself? I would say officially ‘no’ but provided you don’t tell anyone else and it is off the record, then ‘yes’. Especially if you have just got in from a hard day at the office and the fridge is empty. I have often seen respected wine makers add an ice cube to a glass of wine and in these days of rising alcohol levels a little dilution is no bad thing.

We need to stop being so British and give our licensed victuallers free and frank feedback about the quality of their wines and the temperatures at which they are serving them only then can we hope to emancipate ourselves from a world of tooth shatteringly cold Pinot Grigio and blood-warm Cabernet Sauvignon!

(This article first appeared in Country Calling, 27/07/2011)

Extra polos, my lucky gonk, and my pencil sharpener …

Exams. Probably enough said already and it’s been a while since my first lot (anyone of a certain age may recognise the quote in the Title, from around the time of my first public exams) – after each set of exams I’ve always thought enough’s enough, but there always seem to be some more that sneak up on you when you least expect it.

First I did the now very old fashioned ‘O’ Levels (younger readers may care to research these online but I really wouldn’t bother), then ‘A’ levels, then onto a Polytechnic in Hertfordshire to read Business Studies and Marketing (Polytechnic? – again for younger readers, these became Universities in 1992 – and the long established ‘real’ Universities still to this day refer to the ex-Polys at ‘Post 1992 Institutions’ as a mean to distance themselves).

I worked at a ‘Post 92 Institution’ for 7 years where the 3 letters CPD were always being discussed (Continuing Professional Development), so again I succumbed and had my first encounter with the demon that is Part Time Study – 3 years part time, 8 more exams and a dissertation later I’d added 3 more letters (MSc) after my name – wondering if ever I’d manage to get the letters after my name longer than my actual name.

Working at a major B2B supplier I was again given the chance for more letters. Subconsciously I think I was becoming a bit of an addict (letters, not part time study), and so with some more study, exams and presentations got a few more (DipIDM) – still not quite enough?

Now working in the wine trade CPD came knocking on my door again, this time in the guise of the WSET exams (http://www.wsetglobal.com) – so being still relatively new to the wine game last month found myself in a hall in Bristol taking the WSET Intermediate Exam. My 3 long-standing colleagues were alongside – but taking the Advanced Exams. Working at Yapp HQ it’s astonishing how much information you pick up along the way – this is definately a lifestyle company where everyone has an interest, dare I say passion, in the wines that we ship in and sell (and drink). Staff tastings are a habitual and pleasurable part of what we do (it’s not every company where you check your diary for the day and see ’10.00 Marketing Meeting, 2.00pm Aromatics Tasting’).

In the exam it’s self some answers were learnt from study – but others just came there and then. The MD had proffered the advice ‘Stay with your first answer, have faith, don’t change it’, and when I read Q.42 “What is the classic tasting note for an Alsace Gewürztraminer” I could hear the voice of the Yapp Shop Manager saying ‘Lychee’ (the divine intervention of the Welsh… this really was from the subconscious) and thankfully the right answer as well – always a bonus when it works that way round!

My certificate arrived yesterday – I was more than chuffed to have passed with distinction (still not matching the Shop Manager’s legendary 100% pass – no pressure there then!) but as a bonus I’d finally cracked the more letters after my name – albeit in a roundabout fashion:

Hamish  J Catanach (15 Letters)

BA(Hons) MSc DipIDM WSET (18 Letters)

It is fair to say that the team at Yapp Brothers are anticipating the imminent royal nuptials with varying degrees of enthusiasm but all of us are looking forward to yet more time off work to spend with family and friends and we are hoping that the recent sunny spell continues.

The Marquis of Westminster

They then intend to dash round the corner to catch a glimpse of Kate leaving another Yapp account, The Goring (or the ‘boring Goring’ as The Queen allegedly refers to the hotel that hosts her staff Christmas parties!). If the sun is shining, it’s off to the big screen in Hyde Park, otherwise its back to the boozer to watch it on the telly.

Claire will taking her young family to visit a proper ‘old fashioned’ street party in Gillingham where some bubbles should prove uplifting – lemonade for the kids and Vouvray Mousseux Brut for the grown-ups.

Frenchman Michael has promised not to recite the traditional Gallic wedding toast: Buvons un coup, buvons en deux, à la santé des amoreux, à la santé du Roi de France, et medre pour la reine d’Angleterre, qui nous à declare la geurre! Instead he is going to content himself with the last of the seasons’ oysters which he recommends savouring with his favourite Provençale white – Cassis: Clos Sainte Magdeleine.

Charlie and his wife Jodie are bravely taking their one year-old, William, camping in Charmouth Bay where they hoping to sample some Lyme Bay scallops with a nervy young Clare Valley Riesling from Neagles Rock .

Avid cyclist Paul plans to visit some of the hostelries surrounding Mere by bike. The White Lion at Bourton and Spread Eagle at Stourton are two of his favourites where he recommends the Otter Ale and locally brewed Kilmington Best bitter respectively.

Cheese aficionado Michelle has discovered a passion for Godminster Vintage Cheddar, made down the road in Bruton, after they prudently dropped in a sample at Yapp HQ. She is planning a visit to their farm shop to stock up but is still undecided about the best wine accompaniment being torn between a warming glass of Rasteau or a lightly-chilled Chinon.

Patriotic Welshman Meirion will celebrate the new union by heading down to the idyllic Isle of Purbeck and the picturesque village of Worth Matravers. Weather permitting, he intends to walk along the cliff top South West Coastal Path, ending up at Dancing Ledge, where he will partake in a light lunch with a cool, refined glass of Stephane Brocard’s Meursault, to toast the happy couple, and wish them all the best for the future.

Welshman Meirion isn’t sure rosé is good for his macho image!

Father of two Hamish will be taking his kids to a barbecue organized by the local scouts on Broughton Gifford common. He thinks a ‘chest-thumping, southern red’ is the best foil for burnt bangers and is laying in supplies of Xavier Bruguière’s dark and brooding Pic Saint Loup ‘L’Arbouse’ for the occasion.

Jason, who still has happy memories of spending his commemorative jubilee coin in the school tuck shop in 1977 after the delightful discovery that it was legal tender, will be enjoying an informal lunch with his neighbours in their local community garden. Apparently bunting is encouraged but flags are regarded as de trop by the somewhat precise denizens of Keyford Gardens. What is certain is that lashings of rosé will be required if the weather holds. Jason has a penchant for the Vin de Corse Sartène from Domaine Saparale but he reckons the Coteaux d’Aix from Domaine Oullières might be a better budget option given past form.

Dutch expatriate (not ex-patriot!) Bianca and her family will also be joining friends for an al fresco repast. She has lain in supplies of the white Chinon from Château de Ligré and the juicy young red Côtes de Thongue ‘Tradition’ from Les Filles de Septembre so should be able to please all comers.

Last but not least Londoner Jonathan will not be doing much in regard to celebrating or watching the Royal festivities  as he still has flash-backs after donning  a full Household Division guards uniform and bearskin hat as a young lad for the Silver Jubilee back in ’77. Instead he will be cooking a fish pie for friends that he will serve with a Chablis Grand Cru Les Clos 2007 to raise a glass to the happy couple as it is assured to kick-start a very convivial après midi!